Another year has passed, during which time I discovered some stuff. Here is my favorite of the stuff.
Truthfully, I'm not way crazy nuts about Paloma Faith's music — it can be pretty fruity, and I'm a cool guy who likes cool rock music. Here's a lyric from her song "Stargazer" in case you don't believe me:
Paloma, dearest of dears, you have to know that that's the kind of lyric that could potentially make an adult human want to smack you hard enough that you start a star collection of your own. Not me, of course. But someone.
Fruity or not, though, I can't deny her album is actually pretty good. But the tunes are just the beginning (actually, they're nearer the end) of her appeal. In fact, the only thing I can figure is that I've developed a crush, which even I find puzzling since she's not exactly my type (I think?).
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BRONZE place
Maria Bamford
(heh-heh, funny lady)
I discovered Maria Bamford earlier in the year, so obviously I was feeling pretty smug when it was Christmas time and I recognized her in Target's holiday ads, as it was a sure sign I was on the forefront's cutting-edge. Then I learned she did ads for them last year. Dough! Anyway, originally I got her name off a forum topic about stand-up comics. Her name followed the phrase "I generally don't find female comedians funny, but..."
Here's episode 1 of The Maria Bamford Show. Watch it. Watch all twenty. They're short, you can do it. Need more convincing? I went to her site, poked around a bit, and never once encountered the word "comedienne." Another victory for The Bammer!
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SILVER place
Paloma Faith
(music artist)
Truthfully, I'm not way crazy nuts about Paloma Faith's music — it can be pretty fruity, and I'm a cool guy who likes cool rock music. Here's a lyric from her song "Stargazer" in case you don't believe me:
Now she's a star collector
She knows the signs and she knows what they mean
She knows the signs and she knows what they mean
Twinkle, twinkle little dream
Paloma, dearest of dears, you have to know that that's the kind of lyric that could potentially make an adult human want to smack you hard enough that you start a star collection of your own. Not me, of course. But someone.
Fruity or not, though, I can't deny her album is actually pretty good. But the tunes are just the beginning (actually, they're nearer the end) of her appeal. In fact, the only thing I can figure is that I've developed a crush, which even I find puzzling since she's not exactly my type (I think?).
Things I love:
+ She's great on a stage
+ She was a magician's assistant
+ Paloma Faith Video Diaries nos. 13 and 20 on YouTube
+ Her smile, which single-handedly has changed my position on the issue of prominent gums (Now I can't get enough of 'em! Prominent gums, please!)
+ Her funny speaking voice, which is a topic of frequent deliberation on public forums (sort of like Adele's propensity for immensity), and which prompts people to presume her level of intelligence, which is rude
Up above is a music video for one of her singles, and below is a behind-the-scenes vlog for it she posted on her YouTube channel. Contrary to what the h8ers might presume, I'm sure she knew exactly what she was doing with this second video's thumbnail, as far as its juxtaposition to the first one's thumbnail and the double meaning in the term "smoke and mirrors." (And I love it.)
I could've awarded Paloma first place easy enough, but I decided to give first to a couple of dudes whose music I am crazy nuts about. Behold...
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GOLD place
JEFF the Brotherhood
(music band)
As one YouTube commenter sensibly hypothesized, brothers Jake and Jamin may in fact have been sent from outer space to save rock 'n' roll. Some punky, some poppy, with an occasional psychedelic solo that'll make David Gilmour go, "I don't remember playing in a garage band called 'Jeff the Brotherhood' as recently as last week, but I've also done many drugs." In a sentence, I guess they're kinda Ramones-y, but good.
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Honorable mentionings
Flonase
Step 1: Shake bottle gently
Step 2: Carefully insert nasal applicator into nostril
Step 3: BLAST THAT FUCKER! BLAST IT!
I've been pretty miserable with allergies for the last 4 or 5 years, and not Benadryl, nor Zirtec, nor Allegra were able to help me. But the Lord giveth me allergies one morning in 11th grade, and now the Lord hath sent Fluticasone Propionate Nasal Spray from on high. If I had a life, Flonase would allow me to live it to its fullest.
[It's only an honorable mention instead of 1st place because I've since discovered that cupping your hands under a faucet and "inhaling" the water does the job most of the time. ("The job" being slowing a case of runnynose, a relatively mild symptom I realize; any alleged "misery" has been mildly exaggerated.)]
[Update: NO. Apparently you're supposed to boil any water you put up your nose or you risk introducing tiny amoebas into your private canals which then might eat your brain. If you followed my advice and got your brain eaten, I am so, so sorry. Please ask your doctor to find out if snorting water is right for you.]
[Update: You MUST let the boiled water cool before inhaling it. If you followed my advice and scalded your brain, I'm so, so sorry.]
7 Minutes in Heaven
The awkwardness in this closet isn't quite what you'll find, say, between two ferns, but these celebrity interviews with a zany comedic bent are a good time nonetheless.
I also had a friendly chat with a presumed Juggalo in the comment section of this video. You can read it >> here <<
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