Say 'Hello' to the little web-log disrupting the industry!
Blogler here [extends hand mock-professionally to shake]. Marc Blogler, AKA Rusty Cage. Listen up, 'cuz I'm only gonna say this once: the short and sweet of it is you’re looking at a son of a bitch who was born to blog, plain and simple. If it can be blogged, I can blog it, so if you just respect my craft that I hone and don't give me any back sass in the comments, I think we'll get along just fine. Also know that I see myself as being like Benny Rodriguez if Benny Rodriguez came to life. If you don’t know who Benny Rodriguez is then I only have two words for you: FUCK and YOU. "The Jet" was the one guy every motherfucker on the sandlot looked up to and thought was the coolest. I won’t even say thought – they knew he was the coolest. That’s just always been my reality I guess.
[self ni-gey-ting feys]
noun
1) a dope bloggy-blog in the Adventure Comedy genre
WARNING: Snowflakes keep out, 'cuz this is a place where you won't find a filter on the things that I say. I just let them fly out of my face with no filter, enough of that p.c. bull cr#p that so many will say. No not here. No I don't think so. P.c. stands for "pleasing" with "censorship", and I am not here to "please" you by censoring the things that I say. You will find out very quickly that I am a no holes barred kind of guy. I'm the kind of guy who you will look out your window and see me huffing and puffing your safe space. Things that others are too scared to say but they think it but are too scared to say, those are the things I say. Like this: A tortoise is a turtle's grandpa. That's right. That's not even a scientifically accurate statement, but I just don't give a fuck. Does that offend you? Well that's too bad. Too bad you are a pussy that is.
This is a bold and confrontational yet respectable blog of high quality updates. But don't take my word for it...here’s a real testimonial from one of my satisfied readers..
"gosh! After what people are saying about selfnegatingface.blogspot.com, I finally decided to try it for myself. I've been using it for 3 weeks now and so far, I haven't encountered any viruses and my computer hasn't crashed. As for the email spamming, yes I do get? notifications but really, every site you register to usually do that. The only negative thing I can say about it is that since it's a new site, there aren't a lot of people to interact with. But after a few years, it might be the next big thing." -Nancy W.
Thanks Nancy. And finally, even though my blog exists on the cutting edge of the digital media revolution that will dice up the dinosaurs of print journalism into scaly green cubes, they still cannot slurp enough of my succulent and savory writings. Pity them.
"Sweet, accessible, and uplifting."
-Publishers Weekly
"Bittersweet…romance blooms…you’ll cry in spite of yourself."
-People
"This is Blogler at the top of his game...look out."
-Tulsa World
"To be devoured like candy, between tears."
-O, the Oprah Magazine
Subscribe now for new updates every week to every 10th week, occasionally with frequent 1-2 year breaks.
Oh, and just one more tiny, ensi wensi thing...
THIS is a square picture I took of myself* while experimenting with the Facial Hair Visualizer in MicroSoft Splat. (In the original pic my eyes be looking off in different directions so I fixed them.)
*with new iPhone EX
YES I AM THAT HE
Now that you have gazed upon my handsome incountenance, you are probably too frisky and buttered up my nipples are huge to go back to your daily life. You are distracted. You cannot forget. You are so bothered they're almost two inches across that you cannot function, and there is only one thing you can do. Only one thing to make it all go away. We must kiss.
You are positively aching for a smooch, but I am not there with you. I am kilometers away, in my glassy penthouse overlooking The Gold Coast. But you can still have me. Here is how. Simply blow up my square picture and print it out. Then cut out my head oval and tape it to a frying pan you have preheated on LO for 25 seconds (this is to mimic my distinct mammalian warmth). Once I am warm, you can proceed to town. My dimensions are 132 m.m. from eartip to eartip and I promise I don't bite ;)